What is a conflict?
Conflict… a word that is usually not very popular.
It’s not always easy to listen to the other and stay connected with myself, especially in intimate relationships, when there is a lot at stake and often deeper wounds are being triggered.
So many times in my relationships I have been confronted with my own limitations. For example with my brother, when each of us wishes to express but neither of us has the capacity to listen to the other, then a conflict has started!
Usually there are only two scenarios possible: our tone of voice rises as we’re desperately trying to be heard, or there’s distance, days or even weeks when we don’t speak to each other.
We could define conflict as: when two persons wish to express and be heard at the same time.
My way of working through it
This is when the presence of a third person contributes: a mediator creates more space for everyone to express and be heard.
A mediation session allows each person to:
- Listen to themselves: find back the connection to their own needs and desires in order to make choices that are nourishing and to be able to make clear requests to the other.
- Listen to the other: enter a space of compassion, see the humanity, the beauty of the other behind his/her actions that triggered pain, anger or sadness; hear the hidden needs.
- Re-connect: repair the quality of the relationship and support everyone to experience being heard and seen.
- Going forward together: step-by-step finding ways to meet everyone’s needs.
I work with couples, parents and children, friends, teams etc.
– G. Bertrand